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So here I am still, after it was all said and done. There's an inner sadness I can't quite quell, and I don't know how to deal with it. Still surviving, since that's what being in this mortal world is about: surviving and living a life, as odd and literal that's sounds.

I miss her so much, I tried pushing her out of my thoughts and hopes, and for awhile I sorta managed to. But slowly and surely, she trickled back into my dreams, and thoughts. The heartbreaking part is that I probably do not factor into her thoughts the tinniest bit, not the way she does mine. Everyday I ride past that long walk we took from suntec to Mountbatten. I pass the places we stopped to share a kiss, and the park where we made out. I can't help but think back to how it all began, how perfect it seemed (doesn't it always?), and how it all came to this...it doesn't make too much logical sense to me. I just want her in my life, maybe not to have and to hold anymore, but to be able to spend time with.

I seem to have lost that thrill I life to a certain degree, things that used to excite me don't so much anymore. It scares me, that's this might just be how I live to grow old...alone and unloved, to die a meaningless and mundane life...

"Live; I want to live inspired, die; I want to die for something."

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