I really havnt felt this way for a long time: just seeing her picture makes me feel happy. I honestly can say I havnt felt this way in a very long time. And that is kind of why this frightens me...I don't want to break this friendship when it's budding fine at the moment. Im smitten, truly! Sab, I do hope one day things do work out. But i daren't hope for too much too.
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Monday, December 5, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
feeling so very sad. Sometimes when the world leaves me behind, I feel like leaving everything else too. It's not to say no one at all cares...but the one who i care for the most, doesn't. The only one who Made it happen, is the one who can take it all away, the hurt and the pain, but she doesn't want to.
I reminisce of the past, and it certainly wasnt perfect, but I loved her with all my heart nonetheless. Do I love too much and too easily..? Am I just a fool who wants so much to be loved, that I only see the good in a person...? I'm scared to love again, much more afraid that I will never find love again. :'(
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I reminisce of the past, and it certainly wasnt perfect, but I loved her with all my heart nonetheless. Do I love too much and too easily..? Am I just a fool who wants so much to be loved, that I only see the good in a person...? I'm scared to love again, much more afraid that I will never find love again. :'(
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Sunday, October 16, 2011
Totally and utterly depressed with life. Broken hearted in love once again. Disappointed by people...and left feeling bitterly empty now.left behind again...and the worst of it is that, while I'm feeling so down and sad, I want so much to cry, but the tears won't come.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sunday, May 8, 2011
:: 110508 ::
Well, it's been awhile since I've been here. And hey, it's Mothers day. Happy Mum's day, mum. :)
Let's see, whats new...? Well, or what's same ol same ol...my lower back is still fucked up, hurts whenever I cough/sneeze. Bending over or getting up needs me to support myself..! Omg, I know I should see a chiropractor but...*sigh* hoping this heals.
Oh, elections are just over. People in white won again, mostly. But th amount of disgruntled citizens this year is pretty astounding..lots more opposition supporters. But while that may be good, I personally think most people have lost sight of th whole point to electing a political party or power into place, and are just voting with emotions or to go against the flow. Oh well...
On another note, today while going up to grandmum's, we spotted this old Chinese dude crossing th road while it was green for th lane..! He had made it across 2 n a half lanes and onto th third in a 4 lane/ 2 way road which led me to believe that he was still going when th blinking man turned red when it was time to cross, since he moved so bloody slow.
Th thing is, what struck me was that while cars did slow down to prevent hitting him, a young Malay youth walked up to him in th middle of th road to help him a across. Now what doubly made it a nice gesture and gained my enduring respect, was that th Malay dude was those 'maht rocker' kinda young dude, someone whom I wouldn't have really expected to care. While it's something that we could all have done, it's still really nice to have seen that happen with my own eyes. Eventually they both got across to th pavement and went their separate was: th ol man by himself after thanking him, and th Malay dude with his friend.
It's nice to see that in this time of volatility and discontent in this vast sea of humanity, some of us can still uphold th small simple virtues of well, just doing th right thing. :) Malay dude, whoever u are, bless you man.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Let's see, whats new...? Well, or what's same ol same ol...my lower back is still fucked up, hurts whenever I cough/sneeze. Bending over or getting up needs me to support myself..! Omg, I know I should see a chiropractor but...*sigh* hoping this heals.
Oh, elections are just over. People in white won again, mostly. But th amount of disgruntled citizens this year is pretty astounding..lots more opposition supporters. But while that may be good, I personally think most people have lost sight of th whole point to electing a political party or power into place, and are just voting with emotions or to go against the flow. Oh well...
On another note, today while going up to grandmum's, we spotted this old Chinese dude crossing th road while it was green for th lane..! He had made it across 2 n a half lanes and onto th third in a 4 lane/ 2 way road which led me to believe that he was still going when th blinking man turned red when it was time to cross, since he moved so bloody slow.
Th thing is, what struck me was that while cars did slow down to prevent hitting him, a young Malay youth walked up to him in th middle of th road to help him a across. Now what doubly made it a nice gesture and gained my enduring respect, was that th Malay dude was those 'maht rocker' kinda young dude, someone whom I wouldn't have really expected to care. While it's something that we could all have done, it's still really nice to have seen that happen with my own eyes. Eventually they both got across to th pavement and went their separate was: th ol man by himself after thanking him, and th Malay dude with his friend.
It's nice to see that in this time of volatility and discontent in this vast sea of humanity, some of us can still uphold th small simple virtues of well, just doing th right thing. :) Malay dude, whoever u are, bless you man.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, April 11, 2011
110412
So here I am still, after it was all said and done. There's an inner sadness I can't quite quell, and I don't know how to deal with it. Still surviving, since that's what being in this mortal world is about: surviving and living a life, as odd and literal that's sounds.
I miss her so much, I tried pushing her out of my thoughts and hopes, and for awhile I sorta managed to. But slowly and surely, she trickled back into my dreams, and thoughts. The heartbreaking part is that I probably do not factor into her thoughts the tinniest bit, not the way she does mine. Everyday I ride past that long walk we took from suntec to Mountbatten. I pass the places we stopped to share a kiss, and the park where we made out. I can't help but think back to how it all began, how perfect it seemed (doesn't it always?), and how it all came to this...it doesn't make too much logical sense to me. I just want her in my life, maybe not to have and to hold anymore, but to be able to spend time with.
I seem to have lost that thrill I life to a certain degree, things that used to excite me don't so much anymore. It scares me, that's this might just be how I live to grow old...alone and unloved, to die a meaningless and mundane life...
"Live; I want to live inspired, die; I want to die for something."
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I miss her so much, I tried pushing her out of my thoughts and hopes, and for awhile I sorta managed to. But slowly and surely, she trickled back into my dreams, and thoughts. The heartbreaking part is that I probably do not factor into her thoughts the tinniest bit, not the way she does mine. Everyday I ride past that long walk we took from suntec to Mountbatten. I pass the places we stopped to share a kiss, and the park where we made out. I can't help but think back to how it all began, how perfect it seemed (doesn't it always?), and how it all came to this...it doesn't make too much logical sense to me. I just want her in my life, maybe not to have and to hold anymore, but to be able to spend time with.
I seem to have lost that thrill I life to a certain degree, things that used to excite me don't so much anymore. It scares me, that's this might just be how I live to grow old...alone and unloved, to die a meaningless and mundane life...
"Live; I want to live inspired, die; I want to die for something."
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Anywhere
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sunday night supper!
Just had supper with William, and boy does it feel good to get outta th house proper since being cooped up in here over the weekend. Got to chat over some nice kway chap...and a good chat since he shares rather similar sentiments about Melbourne too, or that he misses that place as much as I do...!
The usual gripes about work, and life in general, and how measly our actions are...sometimes it's best not to contemplate it. One can go a little mad worrying about the future. I realize I was happiest, or at least most people are, when just taking things on a day to day basis. It just felt good to be able to let off some steam to a fellow friend who shared the sentiments I felt too, really. :)
Called Mel earlier too, after having not msged her the whole day. She did msg only at night, just to say 'how are u?'. I know it's petty, but even that sentence gave me hopes and disappointments: hopes that she msged at all, and disappointment at why she hadn't msged earlier, and why so short! Still, It was good to hear her voice for awhile. Certainly made my Sunday evening that much brighter.
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
The usual gripes about work, and life in general, and how measly our actions are...sometimes it's best not to contemplate it. One can go a little mad worrying about the future. I realize I was happiest, or at least most people are, when just taking things on a day to day basis. It just felt good to be able to let off some steam to a fellow friend who shared the sentiments I felt too, really. :)
Called Mel earlier too, after having not msged her the whole day. She did msg only at night, just to say 'how are u?'. I know it's petty, but even that sentence gave me hopes and disappointments: hopes that she msged at all, and disappointment at why she hadn't msged earlier, and why so short! Still, It was good to hear her voice for awhile. Certainly made my Sunday evening that much brighter.
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Saturday Saturday.
So I'm lying on the sofa, still trying to iron out th bugs. Been pissing out of my ass since thurs morning. Still havnt recovered yet...you know that semi-conscious delirious state that one gets when one is sick and tired..? It can be pretty fun..ur mind takes u places.
Been thinking a fair bit too, so much to put down, where and why should I even try? There's no immediate solution to th conundrums and questions in my mind. Mel is never too far from my thoughts either...I just reread 'Blankets', and I it speaks to me a little more poignantly than this many years ago when I first bought it. All things end, how and when is simply another matter. Of course, every end is another beginning elsewhere. It's not easy to fully accept. I think I can understand but not accept it, that's th hard part. Letting go...
I keep hoping that things will change, that if I do my best, she will see. Optimistic foolish idiot of me right? In my heart I know...but I cant help but hope. Hope has always been my best friend and worst enemy. Things arnt...don't work that way in real life. Early bird doesn't always get the worm, happy endings arnt real, and there is no queen of England...! Yeah I'm kidding on the last bit...(Megamind movie)
I do miss Australia/Melbourne alot. The place, mostly, not a day goes by I don't reminisce about my time there. Who would have thought, that one could fall in love with a place and country? Certainly I didn't! It's beautiful countrysides, unpredictable crazy weather, diverse peoples, good, bad, ugly, plain whack jobs and well, beautiful girls too...! The quaint little cafes tucked away in some quiet alleyway, the way that the golden sunlight sifts through the leaves, creating this myriad of colors: bright green, yellow, orange and reds.
Theres so much history in the streets, old old buildings, from Victorian times. With brand new glass and concrete giants built around them sometimes, to preserve them.
A walk out into the suburbs is also a treat, just to take a leisurely stroll, and feel totally relaxed and at peace. The slow pace of life does get in the way of things sometimes, but, I can live with that!
I miss that little cafe, very much. The one called Fandango down on Errol st. The place where Joyce first introduced me to, and where I brought Mel too. It's special to me...and her too.
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.
.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Been thinking a fair bit too, so much to put down, where and why should I even try? There's no immediate solution to th conundrums and questions in my mind. Mel is never too far from my thoughts either...I just reread 'Blankets', and I it speaks to me a little more poignantly than this many years ago when I first bought it. All things end, how and when is simply another matter. Of course, every end is another beginning elsewhere. It's not easy to fully accept. I think I can understand but not accept it, that's th hard part. Letting go...
I keep hoping that things will change, that if I do my best, she will see. Optimistic foolish idiot of me right? In my heart I know...but I cant help but hope. Hope has always been my best friend and worst enemy. Things arnt...don't work that way in real life. Early bird doesn't always get the worm, happy endings arnt real, and there is no queen of England...! Yeah I'm kidding on the last bit...(Megamind movie)
I do miss Australia/Melbourne alot. The place, mostly, not a day goes by I don't reminisce about my time there. Who would have thought, that one could fall in love with a place and country? Certainly I didn't! It's beautiful countrysides, unpredictable crazy weather, diverse peoples, good, bad, ugly, plain whack jobs and well, beautiful girls too...! The quaint little cafes tucked away in some quiet alleyway, the way that the golden sunlight sifts through the leaves, creating this myriad of colors: bright green, yellow, orange and reds.
Theres so much history in the streets, old old buildings, from Victorian times. With brand new glass and concrete giants built around them sometimes, to preserve them.
A walk out into the suburbs is also a treat, just to take a leisurely stroll, and feel totally relaxed and at peace. The slow pace of life does get in the way of things sometimes, but, I can live with that!
I miss that little cafe, very much. The one called Fandango down on Errol st. The place where Joyce first introduced me to, and where I brought Mel too. It's special to me...and her too.
.
.
.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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